Dear Jace,
I am writing this note to you to help me remember some of your
toddler years. When you turned two I
stopped writing monthly posts about you.
I wish I would have kept doing that.
I never thought I would only have nine more months with you. You lived on this earth for 33 months. Those were the happiest times of our lives
together. Your life brought so much
happiness to everyone around you.
After you turned two you really started turning into a big
boy. We bought you that power wheels
Thomas train and you drove it around everywhere. You loved blowing bubbles and coloring. You were learning how to ride your tri-cycle. You learned how to cut with scissors and how
to hold crayons so you could color. You
learned so many words and were starting to talk in sentences. You would say, “Where did stripe t-t go” or “Where
did star t-t go?” Your word for your two
favorite blankets was “t-t” and you named one star and one stripe. You loved playing hide-and-seek and we had so
much fun finding a hiding place when we heard daddy coming home from work. When daddy would walk around the house and
ask, “Where did Jace go,” you would say, “Right here!” and pop out of our
hiding spot. You loved being tickled and
you would often say, “Tickle me.” You
loved being chased and you would say, “Can’t catch me” and run away from us. One of your favorite things to do was jump
all over your mommy and daddy when we sat down on the couch. You loved popcorn and having movie nights
with us.
You were learning how to potty train and you almost had it
down. You did great with number one, but
insisted on having a diaper for number 2.
You would run and bring me a diaper to let me know it was time. You wanted to take off all of your clothes to be in your birthday suit for the event. The last month of your life, you finally
figured out how to go number one standing up, while staying clothed! You said it was a squirt gun and you were
very excited about your new method. Your
daddy and I were so proud. Your daddy
bought you a container full of little m&m’s, and every time you were successful
you clapped your hands and asked for a piece of candy. You would sometimes say, “Tinkle, tinkle,
toot, I did it!” That was a line from a
potty book I was reading to you. It was
so cute.
You loved your dog Lucky.
You two would play and laugh together often and you wanted to make sure
Lucky did what YOU wanted to do. If he
didn’t you would say, “Come on Lucky” or “No, Lucky.” You would make a pretend whistle noise with
your mouth to try and get him to do what you wanted. You were learning to say thank you and you
would say, “Thank you much” or just “much.”
When we would do something for you, you would often say, “Your welcome.”
We would sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Bingo, Abc’s, I
am a Child of God, The Itsy Bitsy Spider, and Wheels on the Bus. You knew most of the words. Some of our favorite games we played together
were trains, diggers, and angry birds.
We loved reading books together and you would point at the words and
say, “Read mommy.” You were learning to count
to five using your fingers. One day you
brought me a plastic easter egg and told me, “Shh, baby bald eagle hatching.” You had a wonderful imagination and you were
so smart. You learned new things every
day. We loved taking you places where you
could run, play, and have fun. When the
train would go by our house, you would run to the window to watch.
You always asked us to turn the car light on when it got
dark. I think you were a little scared
of the dark. When you would wake up in
the middle of the night you would come and climb into our bed. Sometimes we didn’t realize you were there until the
morning. You always wanted to be by us
and did not like sleeping alone. Every time
you fell asleep, for the whole 33 months, either your daddy or your mommy was
there with you until you shut your eyes.
I am so thankful for all those nights you fell asleep with me or your
daddy cuddling you. I never knew those
nights would be so few. You daddy and I
kept talking about how you needed to learn to fall asleep on your own, but we
could never bring ourselves to do that.
You loved cupcakes with sprinkles and chocolate chip cookies. You would bring a chair over to the mixer,
stand on the chair, move your arm in a circle and say, “Make it go round and
round, chocolate chips.” Most of the
time, I did make you cookies when you asked, and I am so glad I did. We spent hours playing outside together. You loved your trampoline. You loved going for walks with us. You loved throwing rocks into the lake. You loved looking for golf balls with your
daddy by the golf course. You loved
digging in the dirt. We had fun
searching for frogs and one time daddy caught one for you. You held it, it fell out, and daddy would
catch it again. He probably caught that
same frog for you about twenty times. We
took our flashlight with us and you had fun shining it everywhere looking for
more frogs. You told me you missed the
frogs and wanted to see them every day of that last week we had together.
Every night we would
give you a bath and you would try and escape the bath tub without us drying you
off with a towel. You would run to the carpet
and rub your body on it and laugh until we caught you with the towel. We would get you dressed in your “jammies”
and daddy would read scriptures to us.
We would play quietly while daddy read.
We would say our prayers, brush your teeth (daddy always helped you) and
we would give kisses. Mommy always got “nice
kisses” and Daddy got “yucky kisses.”
You would both go, “Eww yuck, make a funny face, and then kiss.” You and your daddy did that every night. You and your daddy would always wrestle at
night and you loved to stomp your feet and growl at him to make him
scared. It was the cutest thing. Daddy and I would laugh and laugh about it. Sometimes during the day, I would watch you
pick up daddy’s scriptures and pretend to read them.
We went to Walmart a lot.
You would get so excited if you got to go in your daddy’s office. You would run over to the chair and push the
button to make the chair go up and down.
You would always stop and color in the waiting room too. If we didn’t stop by the vision center, you
would point to it and say you were sad.
You always wanted to visit daddy.
You would say, “I miss him.” You asked everyday to go on an airplane to see your grandparents and cousins. You would say, "Airplane please mommy. Grandma G.G.'s house, please." I would say not today, and you would say, "Ohhh," and make a sad face.
I loved cuddling you and calling you my baby. I always asked if you were a big boy or a
baby and you always answered, “Baby!” I
would cuddle you and kiss you over and over and you would laugh. If we were apart, when we were back together
you would always say, “I miss you too.”
When you were tired, cranky, or hurt you would ask for you t-t’s,
a sippy cup (you called it ba-ba) with milk, and a show . You
learned how to turn the television off with the remote and if you didn’t want
to watch anymore you would turn it off and say, “It hurts my ears.” You were still taking naps in the afternoon
for about one to two hours a day. When
it was nap time you would say, “Bottle-show.”
I would say “Bottle-bed” and we would go back and forth until you said, “Bottle-bed.” You always drank a sippy cup of milk before
your nap. You were staying up later than
normal so daddy could spend time with you after he got home from work. You would go to bed around 9:30 and get up
every morning at 7:00 am.
You just learned how to use a computer mouse and you and I
were playing computer games to help you learn your colors, numbers, shapes and letters.
You knew how to click on the coloring pages on the Disney website so I
could print them out and we could color them together. I just made sensory bins for you and we
played with them constantly for the last two weeks of your life. Your favorite one was the bin that
we called the “treasure chest.” You
decided you wanted a pirate birthday party for your third birthday. We had already picked out the theme and you
asked almost every day for a piñata at your party. You knew that you were two years old and your name is
Jace. Sometimes you would tease me and
tell me you were three and your name was Jason.
It would always make you laugh when you said that.
You loved helping me clean the house. We vacuumed together almost every day and you
were learning how to throw trash away, put your dirty clothes in the laundry
hamper, and clean up your toys. You had just learned how to put on your shirt all by yourself. You
would go to time out if you didn’t
listen to mommy and daddy and after time out we would give hugs and you would
say your were sorry. After time out, you
would run and go and do something different and forget about what you had just
done. I remember the two times I raised my
voice at you. You turned with big tears in
your eyes and told me that I hurt your ears.
You put your hands up to your ears and cried. I went over and hugged you both times and
told you that mommy was sorry.
You spirit was tender and I felt that often. I always felt impressed that you had a
special mission to accomplish and had great things in store for you. I know that is what you are doing now, but
your mommy still misses you and your daddy so much. I know you are with your daddy and you’re
happy. I know you are using that sweet
spirit for good. I can’t wait to hug and
kiss you and your daddy again. Having
you in our home for those 33 months brought so much happiness to our family. You helped us so much and I love you Jace.
Hugs, kisses, and forever love,
Your Mommy
