Things I Miss

This summer has been very different.  I am used to being a mom and a wife.  I am used to spending my day taking care of my little boy and enjoying my husband.  I am used to thinking of fun things to do and spending all my time with them.  I remember the moment, the first week, after they passed when I realized I wasn't going to be Jace's mom or Sheldon's wife anymore during this life time.  The impact of that hit me full force and I am still trying to come to terms with it.  I am grieving all aspects of having those roles taken away from me.  I am trying to be strong, but the realization of what that means for me and my future really takes me to my knees and most of the time I am pleading with Heavenly Father to help me endure such heartache.  I was looking at pictures of last June and how much different my summer is this year.  We were at my parent's house and this week a year ago, we were getting ready to move to Washington.  We had so many hopes for what that move would mean for us, and while Sheldon did get to enjoy his profession for six months, those hopes were just beginning to be realized before they were taken away.  I will never feel I had enough time with them and I will always be wishing I was with them.  I am trying to find things to smile about each day and I realize that the longing I have for them will always be there.  That is something I am trying to get used to, but it is very painful most of the time.  I will try everyday and hopefully they can watch when the days are good for me, and smile when they see me smiling. 

Last June           

Playing with sparklers

 Relaxing together

 Thomas & Friends show

 Movie time with lots of popcorn and his favorite blankets, a favorite summer activity for our family

 Playing with cousins

 Playing at the spray park

Zoo visit with cousins

Gratitude

My little sister gave me a gratitude journal not too long after Sheldon and Jace passed.  I have been writing in it every night.  It has helped me to see blessings and tender mercies rather than to focus on my grief all the time.  I miss them every day.  I think about them all the time.  They are my first thought when I wake up and my last thought when I go to sleep.  I pray every day for them and how grateful I am to be Sheldon's wife and Jace's mother.  Our separation is temporary and it hurts so much.  I know I will be with them again.  I am so grateful for all of the people who have loved, served, donated, reached out to me and cared for me since their passing.  There are so many of you.  Thank you for showing such kindness and true Christ-like love.  I have written about many of you in my gratitude journal and I am so thankful.

Too Many Days

Today it has been ninety-eight days, too many days, without Sheldon and Jace.  I know I shouldn't count the days or even the months, but it's hard not to.  I miss them so much.  I miss my husband and my son.  I miss picking up their messes.  I miss being able to hug and kiss them and tell them I love them.  I miss spending my days with Jace and being excited for when Sheldon was done with work so he could join us.  I miss laughing with them.  I miss everything about my little family.  Everything I do now is different, because I am doing it without them.  I know I will have them back again one day, but my heart aches for our life and our little family that is not together right now.          

Griffin and Jake Prince

On Monday night, the Prince family went on a family boating outing and were hit by a drunk boater.  Jake was killed on impact and Griffin was thrown out of the boat.  He is still missing and the search is continuing on Lake Lanier for his body.  I know the pain they are experiencing.  Waiting a week for the dive team to find my husband was horrible.  Loosing two loved ones in one accident is excruciating and so painful.  The Prince family needs prayers, service, donations, and love sent their way.  Please join me in that effort.


A memorial fund has been set up for Griffin and Jake. All donations can be made at a Wells Fargo Bank, using Account #7581668121 in the name of Griffin & Jake Prince.


A memorial Facebook page has been created at https://www.facebook.com/GriffinandJakePrince.

News Article

Father's Day

Today I am just really missing my two boys.  I love them so much.  I remember last year we had the best Father's Day.  We were in Las Vegas while Sheldon was figuring out where he wanted to start his optometry practice.  We went up to Mt. Charleston and had such a fun picnic.  We played on the seesaw, threw rocks, and picked up sticks-fun little boy stuff.  I think Sheldon even climbed a really tall tree and Jace and I watched him.  We had a picnic and Sheldon unwrapped his gifts.  I remember how beautiful the mountains looked and how much we just enjoyed being with each other.  That day seems like a dream. 

It has been three months, from today, since the accident and I miss them now, more than ever.  I thought there might be a relief with time, and there is some, but the pain is so deep.  I am constantly thinking about them and our little life together.  All of their little mannerisms, and things they used to say just pop into my head at random times.  I can picture them perfectly in my mind and everything about them.  I've started looking through our things and I saw Jace's little blue crocs.  He loved those crocs.  He wore them everywhere and he always picked to wear them.  They are so little and so small, just a reminder of my little baby boy who was too young to leave this earth.  I know he was perfect and he still is perfect.  He is with his daddy this Father's Day.  That brings me a lot of comfort.  Sheldon was an amazing father.  I know they are together and this lifetime seems so long to be without them.  I'm trying to come to terms with this, but it is really hard most days.  I know they want me to be happy, and I am trying.  I am trying everyday, and sometimes its only for a few hours.  But I am trying.  I want to be happy.  I want to live a life that I know they can smile about when they are watching me.  Jace, give your daddy a big hug and kiss for me this Father's Day.  I love you both so much.   

Heavenly Father's Love

I often feel that Heavenly Father is aware of me and loves me.  Today I felt that love so strongly.  I know He is aware of me and I know He loves me.  Today in the mail I received a letter from President Monson, addressed to me, expressing his condolences and offering guidance to me.  It brought me to tears and still does to think that a prophet of God thought about my circumstances and prayed for me.  He acknowledged the loss of my husband and son and wrote a letter to me that brings so much comfort.  My mom told me she wrote President Monson a few weeks expressing her love for the gospel and the comfort it has brought our family through this tragedy.  President Monson replied to her letter and shared that he was grateful for the Plan of Salvation and the gift of the Holy Ghost.  He said he prayed that we would feel Heavenly Father's love and peace promised by the Lord Jesus Christ when He said: "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you...Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you" (John 14:18, 27).  He signed the letter, "Sincerely your brother."  I am so thankful for my mother and that she wrote to President Monson and that I have this letter.  I have felt that love and peace from my Savior and I am so thankful for a prophet who leads and guides our church.  I am so thankful for a prophet who would take time to write a woman who has suffered so much, that he would share words of comfort and guidance, and pray for me.  

Visiting Them

I've been to the cemetery to visit Jace and Sheldon twice now.  I am going to try and go every month.  I went in April and in May.  This next visit my family and Sheldon's family will be coming and we will be remembering Jace and his third birthday that just passed.  I miss them so much.  When I was at the cemetery last time I noticed that a little girl is buried right next to them who was also 33 months, like Jace, when she passed away.  Her name is Anna Katherine Boshardt.  She was born March 4, 1905 and died on December 20, 1907.  As I was thinking about her I felt very strongly that her and Jace know each other and have met.  I am so glad that Jace has a friend like him.  He loved all of his friends so much and it really brings me comfort to know that he is next to that little girl.  I want to find out more information about her.  Maybe that is where some of you might be able to help me.  If any of you reading could find out more about her and pass that information along to me I would be so grateful.  I think I will start bringing Anna flowers too when I go and visit them.

A Fun Memory

I was just remembering about our sleep over on the trampoline and how excited Jace was for it. We got flashlights and lots of blankets. We only made it outside until 3am since it got so cold and that was summer time in Washington.  I'm so grateful I have so many fun memories like this one.  I love you Sheldon and Jace.

June 5, 2012

Happy 3rd Birthday Jace.  I miss you and love you.  Tell your daddy to give you a big hug from me.

June 5, 2012

Jace,

Today I was remembering your second birthday party.  We had a Thomas the Train theme and we did all the things you love.  We had pizza, ate cupcakes, you got to unwrap presents, we had games, and of course we had a pinata.  It's a memory I will always cherish.  I loved planning your birthday and watching your face light up with each new surprise.  I miss you and your daddy so much.  You would have turned 3 on June 5th.  We were planning your party already and you wanted a Jake and the Neverland Pirate theme, a pinata, and chocolate cupcakes.  I am still planning on doing that for you, to remember my handsome little son.  Happy Birthday to my baby boy.  

I love you Jace,

Mommy  

Jace's First Birthday Party

Be patient in afflictions

I miss my husband and son so much.  Today I was thinking how easy it would be for me to curl up in a ball on the floor and never get up. The pain is so deep and so debilitating.  It is a struggle every day and as I kneel down in prayer I am reminded again and again that I have a loving Heavenly Father who is aware of me, who loves me, and who has a greater purpose for my life and my eternal life with my family than I can truly comprehend.  The knowledge that our little boy is guaranteed eternal life and that we can once again be reunited is my Balm of Gilead.

"Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days." Doctrine and Covenants 24:8.  I will endure and I will continue to endure throughout this life until my earth life is finished and we will be reunited again.  When I went to women's conference a few months ago I was so touched by the artwork on the program cover.  To me, this picture symbolizes the end of a very difficult journey, and the wife before entering into the Salt Lake valley, turns and praises God for their arrival.  I love how the picture shows a husband, wife, and son.  Every time I look at it I cry because of what it symbolizes for our family, that when this journey is through, I will praise God for his mercy and love, and we will enter His presence together.  I pray I can be strong like that woman on in the painting.   I pray I can live my life in a way that will make Sheldon and Jace proud.  I pray I can endure.  I love you Sheldon and Jace.    

I Will Follow God's Plan

I have been going to the temple every week.  It's been such a blessing and I am so grateful for the temple and the promise of eternal families.  That promise means everything to me.  When I went last week I started thinking about the lyrics of this primary song and I was imagining Jace singing that to me.  Finding my purpose and the reason I was left behind is a continual struggle.  I am so grateful for that glimpse of knowing a little bit more about who I am and why I am still here.  I love you Sheldon and Jace.


"I Will Follow God's Plan"


My life is a gift; my life has a plan.
My life has a purpose; in heav’n it began.
My choice was to come to this lovely home on earth
And seek for God’s light to direct me from birth.
I will follow God’s plan for me,
Holding fast to his word and his love.
I will work, and I will pray;
I will always walk in his way.
Then I will be happy on earth
And in my home above