"You Have Nothing to Fear" by Rob Gardner

You have nothing to fear from the journey,
Though your way may be burdened by thorns.
For the Lord will be with you each step of the way
As you travel with faith through the storm.
And you've nothing to fear from your trials,
Though they may seem too heavy to bear.
Take His hand and He'll lead you gently along
And you'll find peace and safety there.

There is nothing to fear from the nights that are lonely,
There's nothing to fear from the cold!
There is nothing to fear from what might be tomorrow,
For heaven is with you, And angels watch over His fold.

You have nothing to fear from the journey,
Though your body is tired and worn.
For the Lord will send angels to lift up your arms
And He'll carry the burden you've born.
And you've nothing to fear from your suff'ring,
Nor the grief you've been called on to bear,
Take His hand and He'll lead you gently along
And you'll find peace and safety there.

Counting Time

This morning I woke up and realized it has been exactly eight months since I had to say goodbye to Sheldon and Jace.  I miss them so much.  I got up and ran a 10k this morning with my friend Heather.  As I was running I was thinking a lot about Sheldon and how much I miss him.  I was thinking about my little boy.  I miss wrapping my arms around them.  I miss them.  It hurts.  Every day I wake up and I have to decide to be happy.  I have been listening to church music and the scriptures when I get ready and drive to work.  I figure that I need all the spiritual boosts I can get.  Relying on my faith has truly helped me at moments when I didn't think it was possible to keep moving forward.  I am so thankful for the knowledge of our Savior, who has made it possible for us to return to him.

2 Nephi 4:26 
"O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions."

1 Nephi 21:16 

"Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me."

These two scriptures really stood out to me this week.  I am thankful for a Savior who is merciful and loves us.  I am thankful for the knowledge that because of my Savior, I can return to my family again.

I used to count time in a much different way.  I used to count the months for how old Jace was.  I remember when he was eight months old.  He hadn't learned to crawl yet, but was getting very close.  He was such a sweet little boy.  I miss counting time by how old he would be and instead I am counting how long I have been without them.  Most of the time this doesn't seem fair.  I should be with them.  Learning to trust in God's plan for me is something I am learning more and more about each and every day.  I miss my family terribly.  I will never stop missing them.  Starting a new life, so to speak, is difficult, but I do realize that is one of the only ways I can make it through this.  I am trying.  

I love you Sheldon and Jace. 

  

An Earthly Trial

I keep going back and forth about this blog.  I realize that no one is really reading this right now, because I have changed it to private mode.  I keep thinking maybe I should open it back up again to everyone and then I go back to my original line of thinking, that I should start to keep my journey private, for now.  I'm not really sure what is best.  In a sense I have been kind of hiding out the past few months as I have been figuring out this new life I am living.

I am living a new life now.  I'm working, going to school, and I have even made a few new friends.  I've been dating a little bit and that has been something new to get used to.  I realize that what happened to me, I had no choice.  It all just happened.  I wasn't even there when it happened.  I had no idea they were even in danger.  I was reading a book.  I was oblivious.  That has been hard to deal with.  Trusting in God's plan for our family has been hard.  I realized the other day that eventually this trial will be over one day.  One day I will be back with them.  This trial, this earthly trial, will end.  One day I will see them again.  I know they would want me to be happy.  I know Sheldon would want me to laugh and Jace would want his mom to smile again.  I'm trying to do that.  Some days I can and some days I can't.  I am so thankful to all the people who have helped me these past eight months.  So many have put their arms around me and cared for me.  So many have given me so much and helped me truly through something that has seemed unbearable.  Thank you.  When I finally do open up my blog again, I want people to be able to know that I have been forever touched by so many.

With love,

Julie